Anger and guilt

Lets start with few questions…

Have you recently yelled at your child?

Is the yelling purely because the child needed to be corrected or out of frustration?

As we become parents, there comes a job of raising a child.

To be honest, the job is mostly about failing and keeping patience. 

Eat! No

Sleep! No

Play! No

Read! No

Sit! No

Behave! What!!!!

Whatever you suggest, somehow backfires. 

Parenting involves success in petty things after a lot of failure.

And generally, this generates a lot of frustration and anger.

A child will give you a hard time for sure, but it’s actually the rest of the environment you are growing in, that gives you frustration. 

So look around, find out what is actually hurting you and making you frustrated. Look for the emotions within. Find what you can change to be comfortable. And to your surprise, mostly the answer will have nothing to do with the child.

The loss of patience leads to high pitched voice and at times raising hand. Isn’t that wrong and feels wrong!!!

This uncontrollable anger, is natural and you are feeling it. Now, what to do, where to dump it and the easy target becomes the baby. Sometimes you are scared of youself and your anger. You are with the baby all the time and yes, you feel anger at times and you don't have the time and space to go through it ethically. 

What do we get after the outburst… immense amount of guilt of trying to control someone who doesn’t understand.

The child forgets the episode after a few moments, but the parent kind of dwells in it, judging if she or he is a capable parent. 

Yes, child might have an effect for sure, but today, I choose not to talk about it and just focus on the parent.

We all want to raise an independent adult out of the child, who actively wants to be independent as a child. Child wants it all to be her or his decision. When to eat or to sleep or to play or to play with whom or what and so on.

There is no perfect manual for raising a child. Each parent is a different and unique individual, and a mere human. 

So, why so much guilt… 

Since the day a parent is born, there is the birth of guilt too. 

How much you love your child is not related to how much anger you have. Anger is something you have, which needs to be managed or channelled in a proper direction. But you have guilt because you think you are angry on the child. But look, what you are angry at. Baby cannot be the cause, thus you need to find the cause and deal with it first, before judging your love for the child.

Guilt eats you up everyday, pulls you down than to strengthen you. Mental peace is at stake and overthinking follows. Questioning self and rethinking methods of parenting keeps going on. 

We have children to be happy, then why we make it so complicated that we can't even just enjoy with them and raising a kid kind of becomes a mission to conquer.

Thus, parents and society, lessen the advices and bring more support by listening. Let’s help each other rise up. 

And to tell you the truth, advice is not help. Help is the action to make life easier. Help is to listen without being judgemental. Anyways, a parent is questioning herself or himself, others do not need to add to the stress.

Competition among whose child is better comes later, comparison on who's parenting style is better is always on the board. 

Let's, ward off the pressure to be perfect and let's try to be human. 

Let's give love to the child through the course of loving the self.